Spirit Animal Award

Hey y’all! So I was nominated for this award by Fibit go check out his awesome blog!

Award Rules:
– Post the award image on your blog
– Write a short paragraph about yourself and what your blog means to you!
– Nominate 10 other bloggers!

About Aspen:
Hmm let’s see…. well I’m dying I have heart problems and stuff so most of my life is spent in the hospital. But I love basketball, cycling, talking, and especially writing. I also love spending time with my little cousins and brother. The people in my life and my own piloshpical thoughts are what keep me going.

AKA The Author:
Although my blogs name is technically an alias, I am able to be 100% me here. I love being able to share my thoughts and ideas in such a wonderful environment. I especially love meeting all you wonderful people. You and my blog have been a lifeline.

I nominate anyone who hasn’t done the award!
Love y’all!

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Under Construction

Hey ya’ll, thank you for all your heartwarming comments yesterday and today.

I’m still not okay, and I don’t know if I will be. But I do know that you guys make a difference and I am really thankful for all the support you have given me.

Also I’m going to be messing around with themes and stuff on my blog so don’t be alarmed. It might end up staying the way it is right now, but I guess we’ll see 🙂

Love ya’ll!

-Aspen AKA The Author

Messy

Hey ya’ll this is going to be messy, but I need to write it down. I’m not sure if I’ll post it, but I guess we’ll see.

Yesterday I got sick. Not anything particular major, just a cold. But my body takes things to the extreme so a cold isn’t very enjoyable. A cold isn’t days of coughing and sneezing, a cold is calling doctors and trying not to panic. I feel like I’ve already been told to walk the plank and this is just another inch towards the ocean. Because even though colds can be life threatening for most people, for me it’s in the 80-90% range.

You know sometimes I wish it would just happen. That it’d all be over with. But I don’t want to die. I don’t want to miss everything.
I DON’T WANT TO DIE, I JUST WANT IT TO STOP.
And the people who should be able to help are the most unsure. Hearing my entire future relying on the words, “We don’t know” and “not getting better” isn’t very assuring.
Because you’re not getting better doesn’t mean a future.
You’re not getting better means no future.
You’re not getting better means smashing hope.
You’re not getting better means you probably never will.
It means, I’m not getting better.
I won’t have a future.

But I want a future, that’s all I ever wanted. And I don’t have anyone to blame everyone I’ve ever told has been so kind, I can’t even blame myself because I couldn’t change it if I wanted to. Hell I can’t even blame God because he gave me another chance 5 years ago. I’m just so….. greedy. I want MORE. More than I deserve I guess.
Because you’re not getting better only means you’re getting worse.

Top Ten Events (Recap)

Hey ya’ll so I decided to write out a post of the top ten events that happened in my life this year. Whether good or bad, I thought these were the most important.

This is me shooting a free throw.

1. Basketball: The first thing that happened was what may be my last basketball season. I pray to God that it’s not since basketball is one of my main passions. I love being apart of a team, playing the sport I love. And I’ve been playing since I was 4 so it will always be a part of me. This season was  really fun and I got to play with some girls I really grew to love. Plus my dad and step-grandfather coached so I was able to to grow closer to them. And we took 3rd in state!

 

2. Ivy: My cousin Ivy was born this year! She is the cutest little girl and is a serious light in my life. She has a huge amount of love with a hilarious attitude. And she calls me mom so I guess that’s evidence for how close we are. About last week my dad was trying to get her to stop calling me mom so she full on screamed at him and created a song of only the word, “Momma” while petting my face for almost thirty minutes XD

This is us right before the race!

 

3. Cycling: I started cycling about this time last year so this June I was able to complete my first ever bike race which  just happened to be 100 miles. It took 9 hours and was one of the best experiences I’ve had. I got to ride with Amy who is like a second mom to me, and my aunt Julie.

This is the side by side Aliyah and I LOVE to drive.

This is me, my brother, and two of my cousins exploring some caves!

4. Summer: Over the summer my cousin Aliyah and I spent a few weeks down at my grandma’s house. We’ve always been really close so this was super fun! We spent hours at the pool and stayed up all night binge-watching Supernatural on Netflix. And since my grandma lives all around the red rock we drove the side by side. I also went to girls camp which is a religious camp (for girls) and I had an AMAZING time being able to spend time in the mountains with my friends and feeling the spirit. Us 4th years got to go on an overnight backpacking hike! Then my mom’s side of the family took a trip where we all stayed in a Cabin. It was super fun to spend time with them and we even convinced the little ones Snipes were real and went Snipe hunting.

5. San Diego: My family always takes an annual summer trip and this year we decided to go to San Diego. We went to a professional baseball game, Seaworld, and Six Flags which is a really big amusement park. And since I am a total adrenaline junkie it was awesome.

 

Fun fact: I took the picture in the background. Oh and the quote, “Human nature is our ultimate fault and our greatest strenght”, is mine.

6. Blog: This past July is when I created this blog! I’m so glad that I did and had the opportunity to meet all of you amazing people. You have no idea how much your support and posts mean to me. I can’t promise I’ll be here next year, but I sure hope I will be 🙂

7. Friends: Not only was I able to meet some new and amazing friends, I also reconnected with some people I’d already known. Especially my twin Lauren, Ryann, Bex, Emily, and Jordy. I’m so grateful for every single one of them.

8. Caspian: This is the first year that I got my OWN cello!!! You have no idea how much I love this thing, I even catch myself calling it a him. His name is Caspian James Pudici by the way……

9. Medical… err crap: So yeah my health this year has been absolute and utter crap. My body has decided that it doesn’t agree with anything else XD. And you know what, it sucks. Honestly, there has been no positives that I can think of, and trust me I’m trying. But it IS better than nothing. So hey, I’ll take what I can get, right?

10. RECORD BREAKING: YES, you heard me. This is the year that I have gotten the LEAST amount of injuries (conditions don’t count, okay?) Here is my (very satisfyingly small) list:

• Dislocated hip 2x and tore the tendon in my thigh (Snowboarding accident)
• Retore the tendon cycling
• 2-4 concussions (Sometimes I forget…)
• Broke a few of my fingers and about 6 toes I think
• Did who knows what to my foot, but I was on crutches so…
• I think I may have broken my wrist again this year, but I’m not positive

There may have been a few more, but that’s all I can think of/remember. Aggh it’s so minor it makes me so happy!!

What is one major thing that happened to you this year? Love ya’ll!

I Miss You

Are you somewhere out there, thinking the same thing as me?

Are you perched at your windowsill, head in your hand, staring at the moon? Are you thinking about me, and praying we could fix our problems?

Or have you moved on now? Even after what you said. If so, could we be friends now? Or would it still be too hard?

I still don’t understand you know. How someone could love you so much that they have to leave. Because I wasn’t anything special, but I loved you. I just… couldn’t. Not then. And not even now.

I don’t wish it never happened. Even I could see that it was going to eventually. But I wish we could have worked past it. But we were too attached. So attached we couldn’t stand to stand in the same state.

The last thing I ever did was slap your cheek. Well, the last thing I did in person. The last time I ever talked to you was your birthday. It’ll be 5 months tomorrow. The longest amount of time we’d ever gone without talking since I was 11.

Christmas was different without you this year. No spontaneous snowball fights where we end up tackled together in the snow. No memories of the best hot chocolate we’d ever drank. Last year, Christmas was amazing. But you ruined it. Ruined it by kissing me, after everything we’d gone through to get back to that point.

I was furious. Furious that you would throw it all away, furious that even after that I didn’t want you to leave. That maybe I didn’t even want you to stop.

But it was too soon. Sometimes I think about what our future could have been. But right now, that’s never going to happen.

I don’t regret my decision, I know I did what was best for the both of us.

But I still miss it all. I miss laying in your arms all night, laughing at our own stupid jokes. I miss having crazy impromptu dance offs. I miss how you sing country music and I miss your cowboy boots. I miss how your green eyes looked in the morning, when you looked at me. I miss how Millie and Eric made jokes about us. I miss kicking your butt or getting my butt kicked in basketball. I miss how your hands were rough but calming. I miss how you loved my craziness. I miss running my hands through your hair. I miss talking to you about anything I wanted to. I miss how your lips tasted of hot chocolate and mint.

I just miss… you.

 

Photos!

Hey ya’ll I don’t really have any pictures on my blog so I decided to upload some that are more recent!

This is of me and my cousin Aliyah on Thanksgiving 🙂

Aliyah took this one of me and my other cousin Olivia also on Thanksgiving. I felt so fancy riding bikes into the sunset XD

This is me, Liyah, and Liv.

These are all of my baby cousin Ivy the night they slept over 🙂 She’s soooo cute. She calls me momma most of the time, but she’s started calling me Appy or Apsen too 🙂

And this last one is of me in my Christmas pajamas on Christmas Eve. They’re so fuzzy and warm.

I hope this wasn’t too boring XD Love ya’ll!

-Aspen AKA The Author

2015 Blogger Award Nominations

Hey ya’ll. So I woke up with a sore throat and just ugggh, but there are many lovely people who deserve to be recognized so here we go.

Blogger of the Year: The one and only Elm. Even if she REFUSES to accept it,*cough* weirdo *cough* she is Queen. She’s been here ever since I was a wee little blog child, and is an adorable person.

Blog of the Year: Dun dun dun, Liv! Agh I can’t even tell you how much I love her. I’m always looking forward to her writing and to see how she’s doing. Especially when we find (yet another) thing that makes us blogging twins.

Kindest Blogger: This would probably have to be xclaudiasthoughtsx, she has been of of the kindest people to me, even if I haven’t known her very long!

Funniest Blogger: aVeryAwkwardBlog, I haven’t known him very long either, but I’ve already gotten a good laugh.

Best Photographer: This would definitely be Love, Sydney. She always has beautiful pictures on her posts!

Best Adviser: LyfWithEm. She is always giving me advice on what to do, and how to stay positive.

The Newbie Blogger: This would have to be Dziey, she’s just. Well, her.

Prettiest Blog: Hmm well now that she’s FINALLY back, it would be Dreams And Movie Screens. She was also the FIRST person to follow my blog.

Most Helpful: Definitely Sam O. Bscure . Even though we mainly talk over kik, she is ALWAYS asking how I’m doing and trying to help.

Most Optimistic: I’m going to have to say Sunny here, no matter what she’s always there with a comforting comment that makes me smile.

 

I love all of you so much, even if you weren’t nominated and appreciate everything you’ve done to support both this blog and me. Especially right now, it definitely means more than you could ever know. So thank you all!

-Aspen AKA The Author

 

When You Upload A Post Without A Title

Hey ya’ll, so Christmas was great! All of my dads family came over yesterday at 12 and we had my dads amazing corn en bleu with my favorite dessert raspberry pretzel jello 🙂
We all stayed up till almost 3 in the morning playing games so everyone just decided to sleep over XD
Right now it’s about 10 am and I’m sitting in the kitchen watching my mom make breakfast.
We’re making Belgium waffles and she accidentally quadrupled the recipe XD
We’re also having little smokies and eggs!

I hope you all either had a Merry Christmas or just another good day I guess 🙂

Today we’re going to do something why my grandparents (ish, it’s complicated) and then tonight is the girls night with my mom’s family!
It’s normally just the mom sisters but this year me and my two other cousins were invited. At first one of my aunts threw a fit and called to guilt trip me for AN HOUR about how if we went I would ruin her Christmas. But I refuse to back down, so we’re still going XD
And guess what?! As far as I know I don’t have another doctors appointment for A MONTH. DID YOU HEAR THAT?! AN ENTIRE MONTH!!! GLORY HALLELUJAH IT MUST BE CHRISTMAS! (Hehe)
The doctor now thinks I also have peripheral neuropathy which us basically severe incurable damaged nerves so I meet with a neurologist in February the regular doctor in a month.

I might do a quick what I got for Christmas post if ya’ll are interested.
Love ya’ll and Happy Holidays!
NOW IT’S TIME FOR FOOOOOOOOOD!!!!
(Yeah I accidentally forgot a title thr first time I uploaded this like 5 seconds ago….)

Blogmas Day 20 & 21: Storytime Part 2

Hey y’all this is the rest of my last blogmas short story! Hope you like it 🙂

_____________________________________________________

December 23rd,  Alex crosses off the small square with a bright red X. He grins widely, slinging a duffel bag across his shoulder. He’d been granted special permission to go see his son be born just in time for Christmas.

“You ready to be a father Alex?” Daniel jokes, slinging his arm over Alex’s shoulder. “Lots of diapers and screaming.”

“Don’t listen to him, you’ll love it.” I roll my eyes. Alex just grins even wider, “I can’t wait to meet him.”

Now I smile too, remembering what it was like when my daughter Andri was born. And then the twins Caleb and Cade.

“Just wait until you have three.” Alex crinkles his nose, “I think I’m good for now.”

“You’re so lucky dude, I wish I could go home. Even for just a few days.” Jack sighs

“You just can’t wait to get back to your new wife, little lovebird.” Jack only shrugs with a sheepish smile.

Alex gives us each a hug before leaving, grin still in place.

“You remember what to do, right?” Daniel is all business now, but when Alex nods, he relaxes.

“Thanks bro, Merry Christmas.”

—–

December 24th, the twins are fighting over who gets to eat the chocolate from the advent calendar.

“But you ate it yesterday!” Caleb exclaims

“I’m older!’ Cade yells. From the other room they sound more like six year olds then thirteen year olds. Typical.

“Cade! It’s Caleb’s turn, now shut up I have to finish this.”

I turn back to my computer at the almost four page email I had compiled to send to dad. It had “letters” from each of us and pictures from the last few months.

I scroll through it once again, making sure that everything is just as it should be when something catches my eye. The boys had written an extra letter.

Hey dad, it’s Caleb and Cade. (Cade says his name should be first, but I’m writing so…) 

We’re doing good, but we miss you. We really want you to come home, but we know you’re busy. I hope you don’t forget us too much.  Mom and Andri miss you alot too. Mom carries your picture with her everywhere and Andri refuses to go to school without your bracelet. 

Everett, you know her boyfriend came over a few days ago, and it was really fun. We all still really like him, did you know they’ve been together for two years?  But that night we heard Andri crying in her room. He told her that he wanted to go into the military, just like you. And she doesn’t want him to leave, she’s afraid he’s going to forget her. But he loves her alot dad, he told us. And he asked us if we could get this letter to you. 

We love you, Merry Christmas dad. 

By the time I’ve finished reading their letter my eyes are wet with tears, but I’m smiling. Below their letter is one definitely written by Everett.

Hey Chris, how’s it going? We all miss you over here, especially  during the holidays. But I have some questions I think you can answer. I want to go into the military. I’ve thought long and hard about it, and I know it’s what I want to do. But then there’s Andri, and I love her, I really do. I don’t want to lose her. But I don’t know what to do. How do you and Mrs. P stay happy while you’re over there? 

I hope I’m not just wasting your time. Merry CHRISmas, get it? 

I laugh, shaking my head at my idiot of a boyfriend. I can’t believe he snuck a letter to my dad inside of the email. In all honesty, I know he won’t forget me. But I know how hard it is to stay together in these kinds of situations. My parents have been doing it since before I was even born. I don’t know what to do.

I miss you daddy, I really need your help. xo Andri 

——-

December 25th, we’re all up at the crack of dawn waiting for letters from our families. I’d read mine a few minutes ago, and the smile had never left my face. Although it’s hard to believe my little girl is already worried about her future with a guy.

I just wish I could be back home with my wife, and my kids. To be able to help ease the tension and share my experience instead of just a few lines. But I chose this, and that’s all I get, so I write.

I love you all s0 much, Merry Christmas. You boys are so sweet to help your sister like that, I’m proud of you. Christine, I love you so much my dear, you have no idea how grateful I am for everything you do while I’m away. Andri and Everett, it’s going to be hard, I’m not going to lie. But if it’s worth it,  you will find a way. I love you both.  -Dad 

Love y’all and hope you liked it! Merry Christmas Eve^2

 

Is It Okay?

Hey ya’ll. The other night I got to thinking about how many girls believe they aren’t beautiful. And then it hit me, I’m not one of them.

I mean I don’t think I’m gorgeous by any means, but I know I’m not ugly. Physical appearance, really hasn’t ever been a struggle for me. Is that okay? Is it okay to not worry about it, and not be insecure? Or do I just seem cocky and ignorant?

Even when it comes to personality, I’m not very insecure about it. I know I can be bossy and sarcastic, but I know that I try my best to help others. Is that okay? Is it okay to know that while I have my redeeming qualities I’m not worried about all my faults?

Is it okay, to be okay with myself? Is it okay, to love me?