So…..

Hey y’all! So this is more of an update post seeing as I have quite a bit to tell you 🙂

So first off, I’m taking my driving permit test tomorrow. I should’ve taking this a long time ago seeing as I turned 15 more than 6 months ago, but long story short, I hate driving. It’s terrifying. I CLEARLY cannot even be liable for my own life, let alone anyone else’s. I should be studying, but most of this is just common sense…..

Second off, I’m on a cello ban. El doctor said that I can’t play until my next appointment which is actually this Saturday, but I already miss playing…  Ahhh guys he (yes, he) is so gorgeous! I miss being able to play normal. And I hate pulling the “hurt” card, but there are a whole bunch of people in my class that are complaining about having to play. Sometimes I’d really like to send them a nice wrapped gift of peripheral neuropathy and take the feeling in their hands in return. Then we’ll see how much they complain about doing something they CHOSE.

Oh and as some of you may know, I almost drowned two nights ago. When the pain gets really bad, my body will knock itself out and kind of convulse because the pain will fight even harder as a reaction. I’m supposed to be put on seizure medication along with everything else too…. But anyways, I was taking a bath when my body decided it was “lights out” and I woke up however long after choking and coughing up water. If I had fell literally less than an inch farther I would’ve been gone. But I’m assuming it would have been more permanent than the times my heart stops.

Long story short, I was terrified. Uggh guys I’ve just been getting really scared lately. I thought that waking up to not being able to move my legs was terrifying, and it was. But this was way worse. I’m used to my heart, but now I can’t do literally (yeah I mean it) anything without wondering if I’ll still be alive in the next few minutes.

I know people say to live like it’s your last moments, but I’m getting really overwhelmed of living like it is. The constant pain is literally ripping me apart and now it’s started to hurt… mentally too.

I go to the doctor on Saturday again and then I have a neurologist appointment in the beginning of February. If you want me to keep you guys updated, let me know.

I love y’all. Goodnight…..

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