I Started Crying

Hey y’all. So today was my neurologist appointment. It didn’t start till 10, but we had to be there at 9:45 so I didn’t go to school until after. We were at the appointment for a couple hours and we met my dad for lunch by where he works so I only went to school for an hour today.

At the appointment they did a bunch of reflex tests and kept poking me with a toothpick to see if I could feel the pinprick. As some of you know, I don’t have feeling in my hands except for one part, right where my fingers meet my palm.

The nurse had me do one test to test this, where I had to close my eyes and touch my nose. But I couldn’t do it because I can’t feel my nose until there is something actually touching it. And my nose can’t tell the difference between my fingers and the rest of my palm. She did more tests like this, and I started to get a little freaked out. And started crying. It was kind of stupid, but I get it I guess.

In the end, they decided to make an MRI appointment (Magnetic Resonance Imaging) and said that they’re new hypothesis is that there is something wrong with the cervical and thoracic parts of my spine. Basically there is a space between the neck vertebrae and the spine, and I might have smashed them together so there isn’t a space anymore.

The only way to fix it is super intense spine surgery.

I, I- I just wanted answers. Not more options of what’s wrong with me. I’m sick of hearing, “Well it could be this”. And spinal problems is a whole new can of worms that hasn’t ever been opened before.

I don’t even know anymore. I’m stressed because I’m missing so much school, I just want a break that I don’t have to spend in pain or at a funeral.

I’m just done.