I Just Want

I’m so tired. Tired of all these machines, tired of the people who should understand most being the least understanding. I guess it’s my fault for not mentioning that I cry myself to sleep almost every night. But they can’t think that it’s been easy, and that I can just walk through this without any problems.

And I’m tired of trying to explain to people who are trying to understand. I love them, and I appreciate it, I’m just so tired.

Because crying for hours makes my head hurt, and because the things that make me cry, make my head hurt.

I’m tired of saying, thank you, I’ll stay hopeful, I’m sure you’re right, maybe it will get better, positivity does make everything better.

I’m tired of lying through my teeth.

I’m tired of having to say no every time someone asks if I’m okay.

I’m tired of having to balance breathing and homework on the same scale.

I’m tired of hearing, have hope, I’m sorry, that must be hard, etc.

Well, this may be a shocker, but I know it’s hard.

And I’m tired of being weak, because I’m not.

I don’t need someone to save me, no one could if they tried.

I could save myself.

I just don’t want to save myself.

I just want my hands back.


10 Replies to “I Just Want”

  1. Oh my gosh. I don’t know whether this was a poem/story or whether it was real, but wow. If it’s a poem/story that is amazing. If it is your feelings then tell people how you really feel. Screw them if they can’t understand what you’re going through. Be honest, and I am hope you feel better even though words are words they can’t magically change anything. If I could send you a cuddly unicorn to cuddle I would,but I can’t so I’m sorry 😦

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I can’t tell you that things will get better or that you are strong enough to fight back. But one day, you will wake up and feel less miserable. The next day a little bit better, and so on. And slowly but surely, you’ll want to save yourself xx


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