Hey y’all. I don’t even know why I’m writing, I had a whole other cool post ready to be published but it disappeared. 

I just feel so emotionally sick. Every time I breathe in, I can feel the weight of my world ooze off of my shoulders into my gut. 

I feel like a disappointment. I keep telling my body to do things but I just can’t. And it hurts so bad that I can’t focus on anything else. 

I’ve begun to realize what this brain fog things is, like when I have a thought in my head but I say it who knows how many times because I can’t remember. 

And I’m feeling ridiculously guilty because of it all. I can’t function completely on my own, which means I need other people’s help. 

And I don’t mean to push other people’s problems away, but I guess I do. And I wish I could stop asking and just try a few more times, but that’s not how it works. 

I just want to function on my own, where nothing I do affects anyone else. 

And my friends are struggling pretty bad right now too. And I can’t fix it, which I hate. I’m not here for me anymore, I’m here to help other people. 

But I can’t,  all because it hurts. Everywhere all the time, without stopping. Pain doesn’t have lunch breaks and weekends. 

So here’s to hoping one Dr’s appointment can fix my life. 
Love y’all- Aspen AKA The Girl Who Just Wants To Play Cello teenage, pain, struggling, help