This is Such a Dumb Poem

​Abandoned. 

Abandoned by who?

Abandoned by you. 

The one who always stayed,

Eventually left.

 The one who always healed, 

Had caused the hurt. 

This is such a dumb poem, 

Because we’ve all heard it before. 

We trust things that break us,

But that’s nothing new.

We mistake trust for faith ,

And blindly find perfection

In someone who doesn’t deserve

That kind of responsibility. 

You can’t count on one person

To save you and blame them

When they don’t. 

It’s not their job to make you smile. 

It’s not their job to keep you happy. 

When someone hurts you

They don’t always do it to be selfish. 

What if when someone hurts you 

It’s because you hurt them too? 

You excpected them to save you,

But they needed a little saving too. 

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Pain Doesn’t Take Lunch Breaks 

Hey y’all. I don’t even know why I’m writing, I had a whole other cool post ready to be published but it disappeared. 

I just feel so emotionally sick. Every time I breathe in, I can feel the weight of my world ooze off of my shoulders into my gut. 

I feel like a disappointment. I keep telling my body to do things but I just can’t. And it hurts so bad that I can’t focus on anything else. 

I’ve begun to realize what this brain fog things is, like when I have a thought in my head but I say it who knows how many times because I can’t remember. 

And I’m feeling ridiculously guilty because of it all. I can’t function completely on my own, which means I need other people’s help. 

And I don’t mean to push other people’s problems away, but I guess I do. And I wish I could stop asking and just try a few more times, but that’s not how it works. 

I just want to function on my own, where nothing I do affects anyone else. 

And my friends are struggling pretty bad right now too. And I can’t fix it, which I hate. I’m not here for me anymore, I’m here to help other people. 

But I can’t,  all because it hurts. Everywhere all the time, without stopping. Pain doesn’t have lunch breaks and weekends. 

So here’s to hoping one Dr’s appointment can fix my life. 
Love y’all- Aspen AKA The Girl Who Just Wants To Play Cello teenage, pain, struggling, help

My Reverse Bucket List! 

Hey y’all! Aspen is currently looking for a wallet and this is Ryann, the second favorite because I have come to realize that Lauren is the number one by a longshot. Oh well. We are getting ready to go to the second varsity home game for our high school and I’m sure that Aspen has told you all that our school cannot play football to save our lives. It’s pretty sad actually. I think we are the third worst high school team in the nation. We are getting ready to leave to my house where I am going to be looking fly because my ex, cough *douchebag* cough, will be and I want to make the world realize that I am actually pretty amazing. I hate writing on this blog because I suck at writing but I want to tell you guys and gals that Aspen just said her fingers look like spiders. She told me to tell y’all that this is her reverse bucket list, meaning she has already done everything on here and she wanted to share it with you. I probably should have written that at the top because that is why she is having me write on her blog. Love you Aspen! Will you guys do me a favor and write something you like about her or her blog in the comments? She can always use extra love. Bye friends! Congratulations, you have made it this far in my very long intro, enjoy the reverse bucket list!

 

  1. Ride a jetski ( I did this for the first time this summer in Bear Lake!)
  2. Archery
  3. Ride a Segway ( Completed this one on the Fort Lauderdale, Florida airport)
  4. Dress up like a Shadowhunter (Halloween of 8th grade)
  5. Go on a hayride
  6. Fly in an airplane
  7. Visit the house from UP in real life (This is actually in the city next to where I live)
  8. Be on TV ( I performed during halftime of a Utes basketball game, and then I did Alex’s lemonade stand twice)
  9. Smash a pie in someone’s face (My elementary principal; one of the greatest days of my life)
  10. Visit Yellowstone (I’ve been twice)
  11. Witness a wedding proposal ( It was in Brianhead; the highest point in Utah)
  12. Donate gifts to children need (We used to do this with my cousins instead of getting gifts for each other)
  13. Write something in wet cement
  14. See the Grand Canyon
  15. Zipline
  16. Be a part of a flash mob (Middle School man)
  17. Sleep on a trampoline
  18. Learn how to play cello
  19. Have a pen pal (I did in elementary with a girl who lived Mexico)
  20. Go to Chicago
  21. Eat cake without my hands (Jordynn’s 14th birthday party; we pretended to be dinosaurs)
  22. Hold an alligator (Florida)
  23. Feed a bear (Bear world; I was four and sobbed my heart out)
  24. Feed a tiger cub (In Wisconsin at the Kalahari; the world’s largest indoor water park)
  25. Learn how to shoot a gun
  26. Be baptized
  27. White water river rafting
  28. Learn how to snowboard (This is how I dislocated my hip the first two times)
  29. Swim with dolphins (Florida again)
  30. Milk a cow (I’ve done this lots of times)
  31. Take a picture at the perfect moment (It was of a person standing on the tip of a whale’s nose)
  32. Hit someone with a frying pan (It was my brother. He was chasing me around with his toenail clippings)
  33. Go to a drive in movie
  34. Learn how to tie a cherry stem with my tongue
  35. Kiss someone in an airport

Comment down below if you have done any of these things! I hope you liked Ryann’s intro- I haven’t read it yet. Love y’all! – Aspen AKA The Author