Still Not Home

Hey y’all.

It’s been an interesting week I guess. My headaches have been getting a bit better and today at neuro rehab I got to go outside and shoot around on the basketball court they have at the hospital which was really fun!

My cousin who is  a year older than me was in town for the day and we’ve been really close our whole lives so it was really good to see her and hangout. We basically spent the whole day laughing our heads off and I procrastinated my Spanish homework.

All in all it’s been a pretty good week, a lot better than the few past ones. But I’m still just struggling with being basically alone here. I have Lauren, but she has her roommates and they’re great and all, but they’re still HER friends. I just miss having my own friends.

I’m also really close with all of my younger cousins and aunts and uncles and it’s really hard being away from not only my parents and especially my little brother, but all of them too. I’m a people person and not being around more people I can actually talk to and hangout with is getting to me.

I know that I should just go out and make new friends but I’ve been so busy with homework and just not feeling good that as soon as school is over I just want to go home.

I  like it down here and I’m enjoying the smaller school environment, it’s just not really a place I could see myself staying long term. I realized earlier today that I still don’t call this home, even after 3 months. Home is still back north and this is still just “my house”.  St. George is a pretty small city that isn’t super rural itself, but there is a huge mass of rural land between here and northern Utah by Salt Lake. I miss being able to just get on the freeway and be either downtown or in the canyon within 40 minutes. And I miss the mountains sooo much, my sense of direction is basically gone without them. I miss the cold, it’s warm in November and I don’t understand how that even works. Plus I’ll only be able to go to one Utes game this year which breaks my heart on a whole other level.  I even miss living further away from things just so that I can actually listen to a whole song in the car before I have to get out.

I just kind of want to be anywhere but here at the moment.

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