I’ve always believed that people carry a special energy with them, a positive or negative magnetism if you will.
I’ve also always considered myself to be observant of this magnetism. It may sound unreasonable or judgmental, but within moment of meeting someone I could decide whether I felt “right” or “off” with someone for seemingly no reason at all.
Take for instance my brother’s best friend from elementary who turned out to be a bully, or the girl in 10th grade orchestra everybody loved (except me) who apparently didn’t mind which boys had girlfriends.
On the other hand, take the girl who I went to classes with for years and then went to her house one time and never stopped. What about the girl that I talked to the first day of 7th grade despite the fact that we have nearly nothing in common who I still talk to more than most people? And the boy across the world that has kept my attention for more than 8 months after one afternoon?
I think that most people would agree that there’s some people you just get along with and some you just don’t. I wonder if anyone else would agree a large part of that is decided before the first word is ever spoken.
Do you ever have the sudden realization that someone you have seemingly always needed in your life, doesn’t need you the same way anymore?
Sometimes it can be really hard to make a decision about what will make you happiest when it involves deciding who needs you more, and who you need more.
It’s also really hard to realize that while that one person may be your only reason for being somewhere, that doesn’t mean you are their only reason.
I guess I just don’t feel as important as I used to be, not as needed. Like sometimes our relationship happens because of habit and not because they want to spend time with me as much as I do with them.
And I’m learning that assuming how people feel is a downward spiral.
But asking about it seems even scarier.
Yet the scariest thing is not knowing where you stand with someone. Not knowing if they want what you want, not knowing if they’re telling you what they really feel.
My thoughts are a disaster at the moment as I’m sure anyone reading this can tell. I’ll let you know if I figure anything out, I just felt like writing it down and getting it out of my head.
It’s not quite the same as it was before,
but neither are we.
We’ve changed together,
but also apart.
For better or for worse,
I’m not quite sure.
Not quite as close,
not quite as open.
Not quite as attached,
yet still connected.
But is it just me,
who feels this way?
Am I the only one
who notices the change?
Sometimes I just feel crazy,
or left out.
I think you see it too.
Not my best work, but its meh.
-A.K.A The Author