Are you somewhere out there, thinking the same thing as me?

Are you perched at your windowsill, head in your hand, staring at the moon? Are you thinking about me, and praying we could fix our problems?

Or have you moved on now? Even after what you said. If so, could we be friends now? Or would it still be too hard?

I still don’t understand you know. How someone could love you so much that they have to leave. Because I wasn’t anything special, but I loved you. I just… couldn’t. Not then. And not even now.

I don’t wish it never happened. Even I could see that it was going to eventually. But I wish we could have worked past it. But we were too attached. So attached we couldn’t stand to stand in the same state.

The last thing I ever did was slap your cheek. Well, the last thing I did in person. The last time I ever talked to you was your birthday. It’ll be 5 months tomorrow. The longest amount of time we’d ever gone without talking since I was 11.

Christmas was different without you this year. No spontaneous snowball fights where we end up tackled together in the snow. No memories of the best hot chocolate we’d ever drank. Last year, Christmas was amazing. But you ruined it. Ruined it by kissing me, after everything we’d gone through to get back to that point.

I was furious. Furious that you would throw it all away, furious that even after that I didn’t want you to leave. That maybe I didn’t even want you to stop.

But it was too soon. Sometimes I think about what our future could have been. But right now, that’s never going to happen.

I don’t regret my decision, I know I did what was best for the both of us.

But I still miss it all. I miss laying in your arms all night, laughing at our own stupid jokes. I miss having crazy impromptu dance offs. I miss how you sing country music and I miss your cowboy boots. I miss how your green eyes looked in the morning, when you looked at me. I miss how Millie and Eric made jokes about us. I miss kicking your butt or getting my butt kicked in basketball. I miss how your hands were rough but calming. I miss how you loved my craziness. I miss running my hands through your hair. I miss talking to you about anything I wanted to. I miss how your lips tasted of hot chocolate and mint.

I just miss… you.

 

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